“Thank you”

After months in which Margie did not say a clear phrase, I was stroking her skin in ways she always liked, when she smiled at me and clearly said, “Thank you.” No more, but how wonderful, pleasant.

Nonverbal communication

This morning Margie was dozing when I walked up, greeted her usual way. She opened her eyes, then after a few minutes dozing again. Sat beside her, holding her hand, she holding mine, stroked her face gently with my fingers as I often do, her arms, hair. No reactions. When I was ready to go, started to slide my hand out of her’s, but she quickly tightened her grip very strongly. I left my hand in her’s, as if I had a choice, for several minutes before I tried again and she let me go. This is the strongest message she’s given me in months.

Remembering

What do I do when my Margie is asleep or dozing? The nurse said long ago wake her up and why, so I said something familiar, and her eyes opened, when she saw me she smiled a beautiful smile, as her eyes slowly closed. I stroked her face as I have for years, around and behind her ears, her eyebrows, chin, and she smiled. For a long time I traced over her face, then her arm, again and again, changing patterns. She looked so happy, so relaxed. But she did not awake or do anything; just sat passively smiling.

Give us this day!

Reflecting on how to keep my sanity and balance while my soul mate disappears, I remembered AA’s mantra “One day at a time.” That thought came several weeks ago and I keep thinking of it. It is a life saver. Margie is so different each day, and responds in so varied ways, that thinking one day at a time is freshening and enlivening. I wonder if the best teaching of Jesus was “Give us this day.” Not just daily bread but my accepting each fresh, new day.

Non-verbal clues

Today Margie was more alert than for months! When several yards away, she looked my way, so I gave “our”wave and she grinned. As I reached her, said “our” greeting and for first time in months wanted a kiss on the lips—just child peck. As we sat beside each other, she almost glowed, smiled, eyes dancing some. Kept looking at me. So glad my social work training made me sensitive to minimal non-verbal clues. Refreshing time with her!